Shinogo

NEW BLOG - AGAIN

2008-06-26T16:49:00.002-05:00

I've moved to Wordpress, update links and readers... if anybody still reads this!

I've Got Nothing Constructive To Say, I Just Want To Bitch

2008-06-25T09:31:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I've been in a constant state of frustration for the past two weeks or so.

I've had people canceling on me, left right and center. Plans have been falling apart, shit has been hitting the fan. I'm about ready to fucking leave, just to fuck with people.

Why the fuck can't I see a doctor without going to Emerg!? Every fucking walk-in clinic I've visited in the past two weeks has been shut down, too busy, on reduced hours, or just plain doors-locked-closed. I've been coughing and snotting for a god-damn month, I want some fucking anti-biotics!

For people who can't handle my frustration, maybe try being a little understanding; instead of further complicating things by getting pissed at me. I would do the same for you.

Rising Down

2008-05-01T13:07:00.002-05:00

VERSE 1 (Mos Def):
Every anywhere, heights, plains, peaks or valleys/
Entrances, exits, vestibules and alleys/
Winding roads that test the firm nerve/
Fortune or fatal behind the blind curve/
The engine oil purr, lights flash to a blur/
Speed work through the earth make your motor go "scurrr/"
Tonight at noon watch a bad moon risin'/
Identities in crisis and conflict diamonds/
Blindin', starin' at lights till they cryin'/
Bone gristle poppin' from continuous grindin'/
Grapes of wrath in a shapely glass/
Ingredients influential on your ways and acts/
Zero tolerance to raise the tax/
It don't matter how your gates is latched/
You ain't safe from the danger jack/
Made it way before they made the map/
Or a G-P-S this is D-E-F/
Leader!/

CHORUS (Dice Raw):
I know where I'm goin even when its dark, I'm led down that road/
(Hello-hello-hello-hello…)
You don't see that somethings wrong, earth's spinnin' outta control/
(Hello-hello-hello-hello…)
Everything's for sale even the souls, someone get God on the phone/
(Hello-hello-hello-hello…)
Northside nigga southside.../
(Hello-hello-hello-hello…)
Shits poppin' off worldwide.../
(Hello-hello-hello-hello…)

VERSE 2 (Black Thought):
Between the greenhouse gases, an earth spinnin' off its axis/
Got mother nature doin' back flips/
The natural disasters, its like 80 degrees in Alaska/
You in trouble if you not an Onasis/
It ain't hard to tell that the conditions is drastic/
Just turn on the telly check for the news flashin'/
How you want it bagged, paper or plastic?/
Lost in translation or just lost in traffic/
Yo I don't wanna floss I done lost my passion
An I ain't tryin' to climb yo i lost my traction/
They makin' me break my contents under pressure/
Do not shake, I'm workin while the boss relaxin'/
Here come Mr. tax man, he leavin a fraction, give me back some/
Matter fact, next pay check it's like that son/
I'll fuck around and have to hurt a few men/
They probably chalk it up as a disturbin' new trend/
Hello../

CHORUS (Dice Raw):
I know where I'm goin even when its dark, I'm led down that road/
(Hello-hello-hello-hello…)
You don't see that somethings wrong, earth's spinnin' outta control/
(Hello-hello-hello-hello…)
Everything's for sale even the souls, someone get God on the phone/
(Hello-hello-hello-hello…)
Northside nigga southside.../
(Hello-hello-hello-hello…)
Shits poppin' off worldwide.../
(Hello-hello-hello-hello…)

VERSE 3 (Styles P):
Should I say hello, or should I say that hell is low/
Am I nigga or a niggero?/
I'm an African American/
They sell drugs in the hood but the man he move the medicine/
He'll prescribe you Augmen for everything/
A little stuffy nose, tell you get some Claritin/
You know I'm hip to it/
And its hard to claim the land when my great great great grands was shipped to it/
Look at technology, they call it downloadin'/
I call it downsizin' somebody follow me/
Does a computer chip have an astrology?/
And when it fuck up could it give you an apology?/
Should it say hello or should I say goodbye/
Try to understand how smart and how hood am I/
It don't matter though, until we learn that the world don't turn right/
We all oughta scatter though/

CHORUS (Dice Raw):
I know where I'm goin even when its dark, I'm led down that road/
(Hello-hello-hello-hello…)
You don't see that somethings wrong, earth's spinnin' outta control/
(Hello-hello-hello-hello…)
Everything's for sale even the souls, someone get God on the phone
(Hello...)

So ill... I love Black Thought's shit and Mos Def is killer as usual. The new disc has about 5 or 6 GREAT tracks on it, better then Game Theory which had only 2 or 3 real good tracks. ?uestlove is at his best too, I'm liking some of the real dirty throwback monosynth basslines they've got on here, really retro. As with all Roots, it sounds like you should listen to it spinning on a record through a big ass pair of headphones in a hazy room with nice wood paneling, some of those 60s pod-chairs and a beautiful mixed dark-skinned girl rolling a dutch.

Ancient History

2008-04-29T17:06:00.003-05:00

I've been watching a lot of documentaries on ancient civilizations and the various contributions they've made to the world today. I found this article to be really helpful when trying to organize where all these civilizations sat in human history's time-line. Click the picture of Babylon to LEARN!

The shit around the Sumerian civilizations is particularly cool, you don't hear much about anything BEFORE Egypt; it's worth reading about.

Great Comic

2008-04-23T17:51:00.000-05:00

Click to read full.

Hilarious

2008-04-23T13:42:00.003-05:00

So Hilarious

On Body Images

2008-04-22T10:11:00.004-05:00

I'm a fairly self-deprecating person. I tend to hate on myself a lot, whether for the enjoyment of other people, or just in my own time. The harshest of my self-criticisms are always aimed at my physical appearance. A lot of the time it's really funny and I have a good laugh about it, but I do fixate myself on it sometimes, even to the point of frustration and anger with myself. In an effort to figure out why that is and where it comes from I started writing this post... For the record, I am not trying to detract from REAL body issues; eating disorders and obesity are on a FAR different level then what I'm discussing here. I respect the seriousness of those issues and am not in any way trying to whine myself into the same category. I'm just a slightly weird, averagely built guy who is dissatisfied with his body and curious where that comes from.

A lot of it originally stems from my mild case of dwarfism when I was growing up (not really, but I was so damn small it might as well have been...) I think I taught myself to just accept that I didn't like how I looked and move on, I had bigger and better things to deal with. This doesn't mean I wasn't bothered by it, I just learned to scoop it under the rug; because if I focused on it I wouldn't gain anything.

I grew though, eventually. By Grade 11 I was of pretty average height, albeit really skinny. I started dating my first girlfriend and after months of torturing myself at the beginning of our relationship ("Am I good enough? Is she settling for me? Is she faking it?" ...I know eh, so attractive...) I started to think I was the shit. For a year and a half or more I was pretty cool with myself, I was looking at my friends and the people I went to school with and thinking "Damn, I actually look pretty okay!" I started doing weights and working out semi-regularly, and although I didn't even approach "ripped", I did make some progress. I was at peace with myself.

After our breakup I started cycling like a motherfucker. I shrunk and was REALLY skinny during that summer; but that was offset by the fact that I was really good on my bike. I didn't mind being a skinny little bastard because I felt like I was excelling at my sport, and if girls didn't like it, then those girls weren't for me. As the winter rolled around I continued to cycle but started on the weights again, looking to maybe put on a little poundage for hibernation. This was basically completely unsuccessful, and I stayed REALLY skinny. I started at university and even then, looking around, I was comparing myself to the guys I knew and was pretty satisfied with where I was physically; mainly based on the fact that I could brag about riding from Toronto to Niagara and back in under 17 hours.

I met my current girlfriend mid-winter, and from the start she seemed to be really impressed with me physically. She talked about her exes but none of them sounded too threatening, and I was pretty confident that I was the best thing she'd ever laid hands on. About halfway through our relationship though, I started to notice more and more guys that she knew or that I met through music and other shit I was doing that were in A LOT better shape then me. This is when my trouble started again.

I always assumed that dudes who had Marky-Mark bodies were reserved for magazines, or on the RARE occasion someone you knew would pack a few ripples. In my mind though, these guys were the asshole-types who hung out at gyms in the daytime and clubs in the night, flexing and aggressively picking up girls in both places. They weren't tangible threats to me because I figured any half-intelligent girl would pick me over them based on the fact that I was... well... just a half decent guy.

After being close with young women for a few years, you start to realize this is not the case. Girls are just as susceptible to bad decisions involving tans and a washboard stomach as guys are to blindly following a pair of tits with a firm ass (even now, writing the second part of that sentence got a slight rise out of me.) To make matters worse, I started to realize that there were a lot of nice guys out there who just wanted to look good, so they got jacked.

So I think my current dissatisfaction with my body, despite being in arguably the best shape of my life, stems from the collapse of the two ideas I believed in so strongly before. One, that the amount of guys out there with picture perfect bodies is really low, and the few who do have them are avoided like the plague by any girl with half a brain. And two, that the amount of NICE guys with picture perfect bodies is so low it is almost non-existent, and therefore not worth worrying about.

Not sure how this solves anything for me, but it was fun to get it written down. Welcome to the rocket-ship-gone-haywire that is my brain! Time to read up on protein supplements and bulk-building... I've got to become a new breed of nice guy.

Wow

2008-04-08T18:13:00.001-05:00

Yup, tears.

My Bike Grips

2008-03-31T10:51:00.000-05:00

NEW TRACK SON:

SDR Racing Team (minus Jake, as usual) presents its stunning 2008 debut single... My Bike Grips!

Right-click and "Save-target As" for your listening pleasure.

P.S. - We is dope.

Wow

2008-03-06T14:28:00.001-06:00

This dude's retouching skills are INCREDIBLE!

Stray Vandal

2008-02-25T10:56:00.003-06:00

Mexico 2008

2008-02-24T21:14:00.002-06:00

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Oink Oink

2008-02-13T15:52:00.000-06:00

Fuck the cops, dude.

G.R.L. + Ghost + AZ + Styles P = Dope

2008-02-12T13:19:00.000-06:00

Ill video, love that G.R.L. laser shit.

Up The Yangtze

2008-02-08T12:17:00.000-06:00

This looks like an AMAZING documentary.

For more information check this link as well.

My Fan Page

2008-02-08T10:37:00.000-06:00

I really have no idea how many people read this... but if you do and you're a fan of my music AND you're a Facebook user then click the above link to join my Fan Page! It'll allow me a very easy way of updating you on my musical endeavours.

The Moment Of Truth

2008-02-04T13:27:00.000-06:00

Fuck this man. TV has no soul.

Fuck It

2008-01-31T07:53:00.000-06:00

Sometimes you look at shit in your life and think "How did I fuck that up so bad?" I guess all I can do now is work through it, and using the experiance I have now, try again.

It's more then a little frustrating though.

Full Circle

2008-01-29T15:23:00.000-06:00

I used to spend a lot of time on Acidplanet.com; chasing reviews, plugging my songs, meeting and collaborating with artists.

About a year into being an AP "citizen" I met up with an MC/producer from Colorado named Phiktion; we formed what became "Always Irie" (Phik's name, but most of the stuff released under that name was produced by me - neither of us use the name anymore, and everything we released under the account has been transferred between the two of us.) The first track we did was "MindFrame"; originally something I wrote just as a trip-hop song, but then Phik blew me away with some vocals. It was the first time I had ever heard an MC on my shit, and I REALLY liked it. I carried the lyrics to that song around for a couple years in my wallet... it made me really want to make more hip hop, and it definately helped me find some solid artistic bearing.

Phik and I started shooting ideas back and forth around the same time that I put together a track for my buddy about break-ups and lost loves called "Torn." Phik heard it and asked if he could throw some vocals on it, I was sceptical, but the last one had turned out so well that I wanted to hear what else we could do. Again, the shit turned out top-notch.

Next I threw down a remix of a song he wrote called "Tombstone" the original was decent, but I really liked the mood that I brought to it on my remix. To date, this is one of my favourite pieces... it's almost 5 years old now but it still gives me the same feeling it did when I finished the mixdown.

My last will and testament/
Every piece of relevence is buried/
This side is nice and not so scary/
I want my legacy to walk away when the day's through/
I promise I'll be back when you need someone to save you/
I'll see the world, for what it has to offer/
And not just all the cool shit that's ruled by the dollar/
The fire, the water, the daughter, the son/
The earth, the wind, the moon, the end/
The start of it all, the circle of life/
The soul see's the same but looks through new eyes/
I might miss time spent with you/
But I'll take the chance to come back and sit with you./
Give you a sign I'm close/
An let you know you gotta make the most/
Life's too short, I gotta make a toast/
No time to brag and boast, just do your thing/
Live for today, ya never know what tommorow brings.../

Afterwards I put together one of my first REAL hip hop instrumentals as a remix for Phiktion's track "Chance." The original was a dope concept, and I threw all of my creative energy into doing something BIG with it. We were both pretty happy with the results.

Walk In My Disguise was the next thing we worked on, and it was really the only song we made together. It was a weird creative process, I put the beat together, then wrote an entire song to it; but decided that one, I couldn't rap, and two, I couldn't write. I sent the whole mess off to Phik and he took it and re-wrote the entire song from top to bottom, using my rambling excuse for a verse as an inspiration for his. It turned out good, almost better then I expected.

The song was featured as "Song of the week" on Garageband.com which was really cool at the time; and it did pretty well on Acidplanet as well.

We haven't REALLY done a song together again after that one, but we've messed around with a bunch of ideas here and there. We've done a ton of ALMOST-songs, but nothing has been finished in a long time (excluding "Dirty Country")

The whole reason I was going back over this shit is because Phik shot me this link today...

We're the all-time highest rated hip hop track on Acidplanet currently. Pretty sweet!

I know all the tracks sound a little thin now, I didn't have much mastering skill back then; and the beats are a little cornier then some of the stuff I've done more recently... but you've gotta know where you come from - I still think it's dope shit...

Infamy

2008-01-29T13:46:00.000-06:00

Absoulutely incredible movie about Graf culture; especially in support of catching tags.

High Contrast - Essential Mix 2007

2008-01-28T14:10:00.000-06:00

In the last five years High Contrast has consitently released some of the smoothest drum & bass since LTJ Bukem first showed up. I would rate his newest essential mix as one of the best I've ever heard, ranking only under Pendulum's 2005-09-18 mix; and outside of the essential mixes I would only place local DJ Zirca's "Ladies Night" above this one. Check it out!

Right-click the above image and select "Save Target As..." to download.

If that doesn't work then follow this link.

Louis Theroux's "Under The Knife"

2008-01-22T10:50:00.000-06:00

Man... I have self-esteem issues... but jesus.

Also, I love this guy, he's amazing, search for any of his shit on Google Video - all of it's fantastic. There's nobody else who could conduct an interview WHILE getting lipo. Except for maybe Strombo... but even then, that's hardcore.

Road Rage - BBC TV Doc

2008-01-14T10:29:00.000-06:00

This is a fairly even-handed documentary about the different elements of inner-city travel and the conflicts that arise from their shared road-space.

Bastards Of The Party

2008-01-07T10:07:00.000-06:00

Incredibly fascinating documentary on the origin and creation of the Bloods and the Crips. You can't help but watch this and get a little bit frustrated... people are born into these gangs, you don't have a choice, and so many die so young. It's like the perpetuating situation on the Middle East... nobody wins because people are constantly killing each other. As one man in this documentary says "The scars are just too deep, fuck peace."

Shinogo.com

2008-01-04T17:14:00.000-06:00

Coming soon!

March Of Death

2007-12-24T19:59:00.000-06:00

"A good friend of ours said that if the same laws were applied to U.S. presidents as were applied to the Nazis after World War Two that every single one of them, every last rich white one of them from Truman on would have been hung to death and shot - and this current administration is no exception. They should be tried, and hung, and shot. As any war criminal should be. But the challenges that we face, they go way beyond administrations, way beyond elections, way beyond every four years of pulling levers, way beyond that. Because this whole rotten system has become so vicious and cruel that in order to sustain itself, it needs to destroy entire countries and profit from their reconstruction in order to survive - and that's not a system that changes every four years, it's a system that we have to break down, generation after generation after generation after generation after generation... Wake up."

- Zack de la Rocha

Christopher Huet

2007-12-24T12:42:00.000-06:00

Insane photo manipulation that has to be seen to be believed. Courtesy of Jeff's Predacio.us blog... link also added to the side under photos.

Make sure to check out the "Making Of" section, top right.

Little Weapon

2007-12-18T13:07:00.000-06:00

Lupe dropped "The Cool" today... it's a pretty damn good album but this song stands out among the rest as something worth listening too. Here's his intro and the first two verses:

INTRO:
Now little Terry got a gun he got from the store/
He bought it with the money he got from his chores/
He robbed a candy shop told her lay down on the floor/
Put the cookies in the bag; take the pennies out the drawer/
Little Khalil got a gun he got from the rebels/
To kill the infidels and American devils/
A bomb on his waist, a mask on his face/
Prays five times a day and listens to heavy metal/
Little Alex got a gun he took from his dad/
That he snuck into school in his black book bag/
His black nail polish, black boots and black hair/
He's gonna blow away the bully that just pushed his ass/

VERSE 1:
I killed another man today/
Shot him in his back as he ran away/
Then I blew up his hut with a hand grenade/
Cut his wife's throat as she put her hands to pray/
Just five more dogs then could get a soccer ball/
That's what my commanders say/
How old? Well I'm like ten, eleven/
Been fighting since I was like six or seven/
Now I don't know much about where I'm from/
But I know I strike fear everywhere I come/
Government want me dead so I wear my gun/
I really want the rocket launcher but I'm still to young/
This candy gives me courage not to fear no one/
To feel no pain and hear no tongue/
So I hear no screams and I shed no tear/
If I'm in your dreams then your end is near/
It's here.../

CHORUS:
Little weapon, little weapon, little weapon/
We're calling you, there's a war/
If the guns are just too tall for you/
We'll find you something small to use/
Little weapon, little weapon, little weapon/
We need you know.../

VERSE 2:
Now here comes the march of the boy brigade/
A macabre parade of the toys he made/
In shamogs and shades, who look half his age/
About half the size of the flags they wave/
And camouflage suits made to fit youths/
'Cause the ones off the dead soldiers hang a little loose/
With AK-47s that they shootin’ into heaven/
Like they trying to kill the Jetsons, the struggles little recruits/
Cute, smile-less, heartless, violent/
Childhood destroyed, devoid of all childish, ways/
Can’t write they own names/
Or read the words that’s on they own graves/
Think you gangsta, popped a few rounds/
These kids will come through and murder a whole town/
And sit back and smoke and watch it burn down/
The grave gets deeper the further we go down/

CHORUS:
Little weapon, little weapon, little weapon/
We're calling you, there's a war/
If the guns are just too tall for you/
We'll find you something small to use/
Little weapon, little weapon, little weapon/
We need you know.../

Nice Guys

2007-12-13T14:03:00.000-06:00

Ladies, take heed.

"Bomb It"

2007-12-12T11:16:00.000-06:00

Movie looks dope as hell... Head on over to the site for more information.

The Juxtapoz review of it is decent as well... although a bit on the optimistic side with quotes like (referring to graffiti) "And, it's clearly not going away, so here's a thought: why not legalize it? Not blanket allowance, but how about some legal walls? Some sanctioned public art space?"

Canadian DMCA Needs To Die

2007-12-07T13:04:00.000-06:00

So, the Canadian Government is taking another run at implementing a clone of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. This is something consumers and industry members (outside of execs at major labels) DO NOT WANT.

The DMCA that was introduced in the United States ten years ago is what's responsible for the lawsuits against 20,000+ American citizens; and worse, it hasn't even made a tiny dent in copyright infringement or the fair compensation of artists for their work.

For more information on how terrible the DMCA is check this out:

Okay... seriously now:
http://www.anti-dmca.org/faq_local.html

What can you do?

Write an email or a letter; or even better, write both! Postage to government institutions and representatives is free! Let them know we all don't want to be made into criminals. There is an open house in Calgary about this issue at our Ministry of Industry's office this Saturday, give him a call:

Ottawa office - (613) 992-4275
Calgary office - (403) 216-7777
Minister office - (613) 995-9001

Plan on writing in? All the contact information you'll need is here, hit as many of these places as you can:
http://www.michaelgeist.ca/content/view/2431/125

At the VERY LEAST join the Facebook group:

Very, VERY few artists and NO consumers benefit from the DMCA and other legislations like it. Let's make sure Canada isn't added to the same list as the U.S. on these issues.

That’s my rant. Thanks for listening and shit.

Creativity

2007-12-04T13:39:00.000-06:00

Sometimes it just takes a really simple tool to inspire people to make beautiful things.

A gallery of Facebook Graffiti drawings:

Many more worth seeing can be found here.

Best app on Facebook, definately.

Breathtaking

2007-11-19T15:44:00.000-06:00

Bonobo Apes and their similarities to humans.

Dino Stuff

2007-11-13T13:20:00.000-06:00

Crazy accurate and realistic dino art up on Flickr!

Mildly related; there is a Creationist Museum in Kentucky, it is hilarious/scary.

One brave non-Creationist fellow documented his journey through the whole $27 million dollar God-masturbation monolith.

Sarcastic Essay Here

Sarcastic Photo Gallery Here

Problems

2007-11-08T16:10:00.001-06:00

Hahahahaha, this one is for Lyndsey...

Headstart

2007-11-08T15:52:00.000-06:00

The Elegant Universe

2007-11-08T12:52:00.000-06:00

I am constantly trying to explain to people my fascination with quantum mechanics. My girlfriend is exposed to numerous heated rants through which I can never seem to explain the thing that makes me so excited when it comes to this weird branch of physics. I understand none of the math and little of the hard facts involved in the study of quantum mechanics make sense to me; but what I do understand I find incredible.

This documentary is on "string theory", a fairly outlandish attempt to combine the conflicting elements of general relativity and quantum mechanics into a useable, unified theory. Although string theory is a tad off the charts for my tastes, I find the explanation they give of quantum mechanics and it's IMPORTANCE (that's for Lyndsey) in relation to the rest of physics and science is solid and easy to understand.

To my delight, I found out that all of the episodes are available to stream off of PBS' website - I've linked below.

If you're feeling more hardcore then check out the Wikipedia entry on quantum mechanics, it's worth reading.

The biggest thing for me is that science like this EXCITES me; it represents a fundamentally different way of thinking from this point forward. The laws that govern the world of quantum particles are so much more interesting and malleable than those that we use in the world of our senses. The possibilities are, quite literally, endless.

Educate yourself; this shit is the cusp of what your kids' kids will be learning in high school science.

This Is Sad

2007-11-06T10:59:00.001-06:00

I have a hard time believing that women in America actually require a show like this; an hour long show about their own vaginas.

It scares me that sexual education is so crippled that a lot of women feel ashamed to even LOOK at themselves. Spread it, look at it, poke it, play with it, if it feels nice keep doing it. Girls should know this when they’re TODDLERS, not when they’ve hit mid-life and watched Tyra tell them it’s okay. What the fuck is wrong with people?

Good Man

2007-11-02T12:08:00.000-05:00

This story features a criminal and a man after-my-own-heart.

Guess which one is which.

Fucking motorists.

Nerdism

2007-10-30T14:33:00.001-05:00

I think the reason I still get all emotional when I hear this song is more based on the memories I have associated with that game. It was literally what brought my best-friends and I together when we were younger. So crazy... learning how to play now!

For you...

2007-10-30T13:45:00.000-05:00

...just so we're clear kids, I'm not magical.

Hypocrite

2007-10-30T13:30:00.000-05:00

Hilarity.

Found here.

Damn Good Documentary

2007-10-26T13:30:00.000-05:00

I love shit like this... there's nothing conclusive, but it certainly keeps you thinking. It also deeply connects with me because I remember having odd memories like this when I was young as well... mine were in the form of weird, disjointed nightmares that kept me up all night long - images of people I didn't really know, but seemed to know very well, some of the images were pretty terrible too; and feelings of regret and pain that were too... mature for me to understand at the time.

I also think back on my Mom mentioning an old friend of mine, Josh. Josh knew things about his Grandpa that he shouldn't have been able to know... things that were even not fully known to his own Mother. I remember talking to my Mom about this, because she was convinced that I knew snippets of French when I was a baby and first learning how to talk.

All in all, it could be coincidence, but it's still pretty cool to consider.

The Occult History of the Third Reich

2007-10-22T13:18:00.000-05:00

"The Occult History of the Third Reich" is a terrifying four-part documentary series on the occultist basis for much of Nazi politics. It’s worth watching... but definitely not an uplifting experience... for me this brought back a lot of the feelings Lynds and I experienced while at Sachsenhausen, Himmler's "model concentration camp" just outside of Berlin. Pure evil.

Part One - The Enigma of the Swastika

Part Two - Adolf Hitler

Part Three - Himmler the Mystic

Part Four - The SS, Blood and Soil

Ted this one's for you man, you've got to watch it so we can have late-night chats about it while you're trying to leave my house!

Baglady Lifestyle

2007-10-20T00:05:00.000-05:00

Check it out!

She's a witty, entertaining and beautiful person. I can't wait to see what she comes up with.

Sick Animation - Jesus

2007-10-19T10:57:00.001-05:00

Okay I totally removed the embeded video because it plays automatically when you load the page and that's annoying as hell; but here's the link and make sure you check it out because it's hilarious:

"Oh Jesus"

Amazing.

The Changes

2007-10-18T10:20:00.000-05:00

I was going back and reading some old posts from when Lyndsey and I first started dating. It was all so wonderful and unexpected. I mention so many times "No thinking on this one - fuck it, if it feels good, if it IS good, then leave it alone and let it run its course."

I think for too long in the past 4 or 5 months I've lost sight of that. It's hard NOT to think about things after awhile. We get so caught up in each other, and so caught up in... well... just how great we are together, that it's hard not to think "God-damn, could this be something I should look at a little more seriously?"

Who knows... I do certainly think too much though, and I let other people get to me as well. Adam and Terra breaking up, hearing other stories, seeing other people. I need to just live my life as it is, and not try and be better or worse then those around me.

I love Lyndsey, I love my friends - I need to just let it lie before I fuck something up.

Plus I've had a FANTASTIC last two weeks, so many classic Greg-Lyndsey moments, and so many classic H4L moments. I can't figure out for the life of me why I feel shitty today... maybe it's the grey weather and the fog, who knows.

The Carleton Singing Knights

2007-10-17T10:16:00.000-05:00

Damn... these guys make a cappella sound pretty damn sick.

"Feel Good Inc." is one of the nicest a capella covers I have ever heard.

One Moment

2007-10-16T12:35:00.000-05:00

"Bring forth what is true, write it so it's clear, and defend it to your last breath..."
Ludwig Boltzmann, quoting Faust

Dangerous Knowledge

2007-10-16T11:35:00.000-05:00

A beautiful documentary by David Malone on Georg Cantor, Ludwig Boltzmann, Kurt Gödel and Alan Turing - whose genius has profoundly affected us, but which tragically drove them insane and eventually led to them all committing suicide.

Joints & Jams

2007-10-11T11:08:00.001-05:00

Reminds me of why I used to love BEP back in the day... dope track, plus a sick jam at the end.

I can't embed this one, but here's the Youtube link... this is by far my favourite of all their tracks

BEP Empire

This Time (the song...)

2007-10-05T10:34:00.001-05:00

It's 4 am and I'm wide awake/
Waiting for my thoughts to fade/
A flickering of all of my mistakes/

And as the light starts creepin' in/
I slowly feel the day I'm missin'/
But I won't even know where to begin/

Do I push too hard, or fall too fast/
The moment never seems to last/
Will I stop long enough to know/

Everybody burns/
And when it starts to hurt/
I cry/
I feel it in my veins/
I just can't walk away/
This time/

Your words circle in my head/
Weigh so heavy, on my chest/
And I'm crushed by your expectation/

I only want to do some good/
Too dumb to know, if I could/
And I just want to feel the days I'm in/

Do I go too far, not far enough/
Why can't I keep my big mouth shut/
And do we lead the life that we should/

And Everybody burns/
And when it starts to hurt/
I cry/
I feel it in my veins/
I just can't walk away/
This time/

Did I say to march again/
Just the girl in a panic/
If I tell you my truth/
Am I getting through/
It just seems I should confess/
Who am I to pretend/
This is more then I can carry/

And Everybody burns/
And when it starts to hurt/
I cry/
I hold my head up high/
I know I'll be alright/
This time/
I feel it in my veins/
I just can't walk away/
This time/
This time/
This time...

It's 4 am and I'm wide awake/
Waiting for my thoughts to fade/
It's times like these I see your face...

-Vanessa Carlton, This Time

This Time

2007-10-05T09:58:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the worst days are when the reasons for anything elude you. Fuck this emo-shit, I'm dealing with it...

I'm just not happy. It's nobody's fault, I just need some friends. I'm tired of bringing Lyndsey down with it all, and it's ruining an otherwise perfect relationship - she gets frustrated with me, and I don't blame her.

My best friends are few and far between, quite literally. It's good to have somebody to talk to, but I want a group of people who're jamming on the nights when I'm bored at home... not a $100 bus ride away. Again, nobody's fault, if anything it's my own fault for not pushing my family to let me go away to university/college when I wanted to... I let myself get pushed around and now I'm paying for it.

Adam is busy piecing his life back together around whoever he can find; so often he's already got plans... and when he does invite me out, I have fun, but it's still me hanging out with Adam's friends, not my own. I need to find people who want to jam with me, not with my best friend (featuring his tag-along.)

I’m just cooped-up, frustrated, bored and lonely. The boys have their lives and Lyndsey isn’t interested in dealing with a whiney dependant boyfriend. Fuck it, I’m weeks away from leaving this city for a long time… it would take the weight off of everyone around me.

Uplifting! Yay!!

...and p.s. - for those reading this, please don't give me weird "are you okay...?" - "do you need to talk" speeches. I put shit up here because I have no problems with people knowing how I feel and think. Everybody thinks/writes like this sometimes, I just choose to make mine public. Respect that please, and if I truly need help, I'll ask for it.

Queerer Than We Suppose

2007-10-03T12:10:00.000-05:00

A snippet from this beautifully articulated talk from Richard Dawkins:

"Steve Graham points out that you and I are, ourselves, more like a wave then a permanent thing. He invites us, the reader, to think of an experience from your childhood; something you remember clearly, something you can see, feel, maybe even smell as if you were really there. After all, you really WERE there at the time, weren't you? How else would you remember it? But here is the bombshell... you WEREN'T there. Not a single atom that is in your body today was there when that event took place. Matter flows from place to place, and momentarily comes together to be you. Whatever you are, therefore, you are not the stuff of which you are made."

Definitely worth thinking about.

Bad Signage

2007-10-01T14:38:00.000-05:00

Grabbed this off of Boingboing today:

Bad Signage Flikr Pool.

Totally awesome.

The Devil's Breath

2007-09-28T11:18:00.000-05:00

Scopolamine, The Devil's Breath... I started reading about this shit on Boingboing.net today and it is by far the scariest substance I've ever heard of.

In certain forms it can give you terrifying trips featuring what are referred to as "solid" hallucinations; images that are so realistic that you can't separate them in any manner from the real world around you. That's only the beginning though... The scariest part about scopolamine is the fact that it's not used recreationally, nobody WANTS to trip on this stuff, it's not even controlled in any manner because for thousands of years it's generally been accepted as... well, just stupid to even try it; but in powder and concentrated forms it's effects are essentially what people call "chemical hypnosis."

When you're given a small dose of processed scopolamine you lose every inch of your free will, you act and speak as if you're completely sober, but if somebody says to you "Hey man, let's go empty your bank account!" you have no issues with doing so; if somebody says "Hey girl, let's go back to your apartment so I can rape you!" you give them your key and you'll even pay for the cab, all the while looking like you're completely in control and aware of your situation.

I watched this documentary, produced by VBS.tv, and it solidified my already healthy fear of this drug.

Fucking TERRIFYING. I don't know what else to say.

We Feel Fine

2007-09-27T15:12:00.000-05:00

I could've sworn I posted about this earlier in the year, but upon searching for it I can't find it up here... so I'll post about it now.

Wefeelfine.org

From their mission statement:
Since August 2005, We Feel Fine has been harvesting human feelings from a large number of weblogs. Every few minutes, the system searches the world's newly posted blog entries for occurrences of the phrases "I feel" and "I am feeling". When it finds such a phrase, it records the full sentence, up to the period, and identifies the "feeling" expressed in that sentence (e.g. sad, happy, depressed, etc.). Because blogs are structured in largely standard ways, the age, gender, and geographical location of the author can often be extracted and saved along with the sentence, as can the local weather conditions at the time the sentence was written. All of this information is saved.

The result is a database of several million human feelings, increasing by 15,000 - 20,000 new feelings per day. Using a series of playful interfaces, the feelings can be searched and sorted across a number of demographic slices, offering responses to specific questions like: do Europeans feel sad more often than Americans? Do women feel fat more often than men? Does rainy weather affect how we feel? What are the most representative feelings of female New Yorkers in their 20s? What do people feel right now in Baghdad? What were people feeling on Valentine's Day? Which are the happiest cities in the world? The saddest? And so on.

The interface to this data is a self-organizing particle system, where each particle represents a single feeling posted by a single individual. The particles' properties – color, size, shape, opacity – indicate the nature of the feeling inside, and any particle can be clicked to reveal the full sentence or photograph it contains. The particles careen wildly around the screen until asked to self-organize along any number of axes, expressing various pictures of human emotion. We Feel Fine paints these pictures in six formal movements titled: Madness, Murmurs, Montage, Mobs, Metrics, and Mounds.

At its core, We Feel Fine is an artwork authored by everyone. It will grow and change as we grow and change, reflecting what's on our blogs, what's in our hearts, what's in our minds. We hope it makes the world seem a little smaller, and we hope it helps people see beauty in the everyday ups and downs of life.

Funny

2007-09-27T12:23:00.001-05:00

It would be hilarious if scientologists turned out to be completely right about everything they believe in.

Pirates in The Strait of Malacca

2007-09-20T12:25:00.000-05:00

This article from the National Geographic website is definately worth reading. It provides a really cool look into the day-to-day lives of modern pirates in a region where their actions are still happening un-checked.

Also of worth is the accompanying photo gallery.

Wait... What...?

2007-09-19T09:11:00.000-05:00

"Hartlepool magistrates heard how, on 27 July, Miss Lakinski was making her way home with a box of laminate flooring when she fell ill and stumbled into a doorway. Anderson had smoked a cannabis joint and been drinking when he and two friends spotted her.

He tried to rouse her by throwing a bucket of water over her, before urinating on her and covering her with shaving foam. The incident was filmed on a mobile phone. She was later declared dead at the scene, the cause of death being given as pancreatic failure."

Full Article Here

We're all just that fucked up.

Akonomon

2007-09-17T08:45:00.000-05:00

While discussing the fact that Akon is possibly the weirdest guy in all of hip hop (has 5 wives, owns a diamond mine, been shot, nobody knows how old he is, nobody knows what his real name is etc.) We came up with this fake news ticker via MSN.

- NBC sky-copters are now reporting that the rap-performer known as "Akon" has apperently... now let me get this right.... "did-jee-volved" into a large monster and is now terrorizing Atlanta with a large horn on his forehead, made of what appears to be solid diamond. Sources close to Akon say "That nigga'll getcha sent to hea'en fa FREE. Plus he axshully Satan.

- It also appears that Lil' Wayne and Fat Joe are, wait... yes! They are "making it rain on them hoes" while following this mutated Akon; casually throwing money at dead bodies in his wake.

- Oh my, and in a strange twist it appears Fabolous has just crashed his personal jet into Akon's horn.... it seems that he was hypnotized by it's majestic form, killed the crew of his plane and then piloted it into Akon, all while screaming "DIAMONDS IN MA DAMN CHAIN!!"

- In a related story, Kanye West is building an army of child soldiers dressed as teddy bears and based out of his Sandro-Pey (South of France) beach house. His aim is to "bring back hip hop in the name of the Louis Vuitton Don."

- Alternatively, 50 Cent is still throwing money off his yacht screaming "I GET MONEY!!!!" and has been doing so for the past 72 hours straight. Doctors are saying that 50 is in danger of both haemorrhaging his brain and dislocating his shoulder at any second now. He is also in danger of bankruptcy.

- In financial news, it appears that P. Diddy has taken advantage of the mayhem in downtown Atlanta and taken over their business sector, he is now officially a top Fortune 100 company. Everyone in the downtown core must wear Sean John suits every day to work from this day forward. His only comment was "Rub them things for Biggy" - His publicist issued a statement that all profit from Diddy's lucrative business move will go into financing the career of 112, until they "make it big." With the addition of this power, P. Diddy, moments ago, euthanized Sean Kingston for being fat.

- Also, Peaches and Cream have replaced any and every food sold in all restaurants and grocery stores in Atlanta. What Diddy calls a "marketing plan" - nutritionists are calling a disaster; warning Atlanta city officials that this will only result in mass diarrhea and eventual death by scurvy for all of ATL's citizens.

- Nas has no comment and Jadakiss and Cannabis just wrote a diss track directed towards Akon.

- Jadakiss and Cannabis have been impaled on Akon's diamond-horn.

Feels Good

2007-09-15T00:30:00.001-05:00

She said she told her mom I make her happy. That felt so good... sometimes it's just something like that to turn your mood around. I guess I just need to get the courage together to trust the people around me.

I'll figure it out soon...

Need Me

2007-09-14T14:46:00.000-05:00

I feel like I really need to hash out my thoughts in some way or another. I tried writing a song last night, but it's much too depressing, and people always seem to take the music far more seriously then they should... so I opted out of that one, I tried to write it off and stay away from a blog post because its so utterly cliche, but fuck it.

I've been in a rut since we got home from Europe, and it started almost immediately... I felt like I was gearing up for a year of... well... nothing. The focus of my year last winter consisted of:

1 - Spoil girlfriend
2 - Spoil friends
3 - Spoil self

Those things don't seem to be working anymore. My friends aren't really around, or they now have their own means of enjoying themselves outside of partying in my basement on free booze and going out downtown to events that I find out about. My girlfriend also has found herself in the midst of a new and solid group of friends to party with, and I'm so happy she's found people like she has, they're all awesome girls and she's having so much fun.

But still, I feel left out. Last year it was like people needed me around, wanted me to be with them. This year it feels like I'm not needed anymore. I try so hard to just write it off, like I'm going crazy and imagining things, that it's just me adjusting to the new year and everyone back at school... but it still feels like more then that.

It feels terrible.

And it's getting turned back on me, like "Greg, you're frustrating us by being so stupid and bummed out." While fuck, I can't DO ANYTHING about it, I'm trying my hardest, honestly. How can I blame them too, it MUST be frustrating to deal with me. I don't like dealing with me.

You know what, maybe it is all in my head, my Dad went through something like this when he was about 20... maybe I should be careful, manic-depressive does run quite strongly in my family. That makes it worse though... who wants to be friends-with or date somebody like that. I wouldn't expect anything more either, I wouldn't expect Lynds to stay with me and deal with that, I feel terrible as it is to even slightly stress her out right now... she's having so much fun.

God damn sometimes I hate myself so much. I've got to deal with my own shit, I can't depend on other people to help me out all the time. It would probably be a lot easier to just disappear for awhile, make life a little less stressful on everyone.

Oh well, most likely no one will read this, so that's fine. If you do, give me a call, I would appreciate it... bye for now.

Dream Studio

2007-09-14T13:10:00.000-05:00

I've been working out what I want to buy to do some serious upgrades to my studio and I've come up with some pretty sick contenders. I think the first thing I need to get my hands on is an Mbox2 Mini which will allow me to move to a full-on Pro Tools LE 7.3 setup.

After that I'd like to purchase a Korg TR to operate as a MIDI controller and a primary sound-base for my compositions. The grand piano and electric (rhodes) sounds are fantastic, and the synth sounds aren't too bad either. For an even $1000 this would be a great base to build songs off of, and with a combination of this keyboard and the expanded virtual instruments I'll be able to use through Pro Tools LE I think I'll have a really solid sound library to work with. Have a listen below:

Video 1
Video 2

After the Korg TR... begins a period of long saving, because I'd like to purchase a hardware synthesizer - the Access Indigo 2. Selling for about $3500 this thing will destroy my bank account, but the sounds are... well they're huge, chunky and disgusting. All of the synths double as totally dirty basslines that all blend in a beautiful chunky mono-analouge synth way. Listen to the samples below and imagine the possibilties for basslines and lead synths... my drum & bass tracks would kill small animals. Awesome.

Video 1
Video 2

If anyone reading has any other suggestions, either software or hardware wise then I would love to hear them. I'm not interested in buying an MPC at the moment... I've got a lot of really powerful sampling tools on my computer and an MPC would be a lot of money for something that end up being a very basic toy for me, maybe when I'm rich. I can't wait...

Big L '95 Freestyle

2007-09-11T17:30:00.000-05:00

If you've got the time listen to the whole thing, if you don't skip to 4:12 and just listen to Big L's second verse... The best multis I've ever heard.

Big L (second verse):
Ehyo, my crew be deliverin hot lead when gats are clenched/
Rappers I jack and lynch nobody can fuck with the way I be killing up shit in rap events/
Big L is the nigga you expect to catch wreck on any cassette deck/
I'm so ahead of my time, my parents haven't met yet/
I'm feeling like Billy Bathgate, my rap style is past great/
I love to fuck a bitch from the back and watch her ass shake/
I probably got your mommy strung, niggas hear me and take more notes than Connie Chung/
My clan plans to get Guillianni hung/
Never had a gassed head, got loot cause I stash bread/
Try to tax and I'ma beat your fagot-ass half-dead/
I stomp white cops till they life stops, for a low price hops/
Cause my blood is colder than an ice box/
On 1-3-9 you don't want a block war/
'Cause my crew will kill a nigga from the lobby to the top floor/
And every time a mack eleven bucks, I'm killing at least seven ducks/
I never was a follower of Reverend Butts/
The bitch type I dislike, I'm rougher than a fist fight/
All chicks ain't shit, ain't no such thing as "Miss Right"/
So we can never be a couple hun/
Fuck love, all I got for ho's is hard dick and bubble gum/
And clown emcee's I be attacking quick/
I'm on some rappin shit and some car jackin shit/
I ran up on this nigga name Mac in a black "Ac"/
And put the gat to his cap, click-clack, sorry jack but get up out of that/
My 38 works great, so make a mistake and hesitate/
I can't wait to demonstrate this nickel plate/
He didn't listen to what I was speakin, he started reachin'/
So I left him sleepin with his temple leakin'/

God damn. Just god damn.

Sincere

2007-09-10T18:53:00.000-05:00

Layin' in bed with ma arms around you/
Just tryin' make sure that no harm surrounds you/
I can't pay the price of what it costs to doubt you/
It's all love, and baby I'd be lost without you/

I would never ever hurt you/
Can't you see my love is sincere/
I just want to be the one/
You call when you need someone near/

-"Sincere", The Foreign Exchange feat. Yahzarah

Insomnia

2007-09-08T01:47:00.000-05:00

Goodbye Today

2007-09-08T01:33:00.001-05:00

It's just one of those nights, or something. How many posts up here start with that, usually all detailing different emotions. I guess sometimes it always get's too much, whatever it may be... Sometimes you feel REALLY alone, and you realize it's fucking scary.

Walkin' with blind eyes/
There's so little left to see/
And you're walkin' by my side/
But there's so little left of me/

And I, am here right now/
So tell me why, it's fear I felt/
So let's make up, and find our way/
Because this can't be goodbye today/

Damn...

2007-08-31T14:37:00.000-05:00

Worth reading:

College Callgirl - "The Price"

I haven't taken the time to read the rest of the blog yet, obviously she is usually quite amusing, but this post is powerful as hell... damn.

Europe 2007

2007-08-30T09:36:00.000-05:00

Lyndsey and I just got back from our huge trip across the eastern side of Europe. I'm tired of telling the stories for the time being, but here's all the photo albums, definately have a look.

London and The Beggining

Amsterdam Shit Show (part 1)

Amsterdam Shit Show (part 2)

Berlin

Praha (part 1)

Praha (part 2)

Wien and Venezia

Firenze

Roma (part 1)

Roma (part 2)

Roma (part 3)

London and The End

There they all are! Enjoy!

"The Porn Myth"

2007-08-01T09:48:00.000-05:00

I was reading this article on the effects that mainstream pornography has had on men in the western world.

I agree with some of what she says, mostly in that a lot of males do not have any realistic ideas of what sex is. It is NOT a game in which kinkiness and pushing boundaries is the primary objective; your sexual pleasure and your partners is paramount to anything else.

That said, if your partner likes to get strung up and make out with cattle while he's/she's getting railed, then cool, go for it; but if your partner enjoys only missionary and you would enjoy WATCHING them make out with cows while you're doing him/her then bring it up and give them a comfortable environment to talk about it. Like most things, compatibility, compromise and communication are top of the list, and those three things are absolutely necessary to a satisfying sex life. Everybody has different tastes; so just talk about it and maintain an open mind.

I disagree with the idea that porn in new media is solely responsible for the confused thoughts males have about sex. I think ALL new media is responsible.

When you have thousands of channels on satellite and the entire internet at your fingers on a daily basis, the information can be overwhelming. Combine that with computer integration into the daily life of a growing child, and the hours spent on things like Xbox Live and World of Warcraft, kids are simultaneously more socially connected and less socially connected then they ever have been before.

In the 1950s... it was really hard to talk to a girl. Now in 2007, when confronted with two options; one - go outside and find a girl to ask on a date (hard, scary), two - stay inside and find porn on the computer (easy, comfortable.) A kid who has spent a lot of his life online playing games, cruising the internet, and flipping through hundreds of channels looks for the instant gratification, it's what he/she is used to.

Don't use porn as a scapegoat; the whole of our society is becoming more and more introverted. People go home on the weekends to hang out with their guild on WoW. I find that a much more terrifying indicator of our social mind-state then our lack of sexual understanding. I'm not denying the issue's existence, I'm just suggesting that there might be a bigger issue for which this is one indicator.

So go out, find someone who thinks like you, have sex that makes the two of you happy. Don't be stupid.

Best Quote of the story:
I will never forget a visit I made to Ilana, an old friend who had become an Orthodox Jew in Jerusalem. When I saw her again, she had abandoned her jeans and T-shirts for long skirts and a head scarf. I could not get over it. Ilana has waist-length, wild and curly golden-blonde hair. “Can’t I even see your hair?” I asked, trying to find my old friend in there. “No,” she demurred quietly. “Only my husband,” she said with a calm sexual confidence, “ever gets to see my hair.”

When she showed me her little house in a settlement on a hill, and I saw the bedroom, draped in Middle Eastern embroideries, that she shares only with her husband—the kids are not allowed—the sexual intensity in the air was archaic, overwhelming. It was private. It was a feeling of erotic intensity deeper than any I have ever picked up between secular couples in the liberated West. And I thought: Our husbands see naked women all day—in Times Square if not on the Net. Her husband never even sees another woman’s hair.

She must feel, I thought, so hot.

Compare that steaminess with a conversation I had at Northwestern, after I had talked about the effect of porn on relationships. “Why have sex right away?” a boy with tousled hair and Bambi eyes was explaining. “Things are always a little tense and uncomfortable when you just start seeing someone,” he said. “I prefer to have sex right away just to get it over with. You know it’s going to happen anyway, and it gets rid of the tension.”

“Isn’t the tension kind of fun?” I asked. “Doesn’t that also get rid of the mystery?”

“Mystery?” He looked at me blankly. And then, without hesitating, he replied: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sex has no mystery.”

An Open Letter To Motorists Who Dislike Cyclists

2007-07-17T19:03:00.000-05:00

I found this here, written by Toronto-native Tanya. I definitely support all of her comments and suggestions; and this is delivered in a much more level and docile manner then I would be able to muster. Please, if you're a motorist and you're reading this, pay attention to the text below - it's really, REALLY important. I've been hit 6 times now, and I'm lucky that not once have I been badly hurt. I hope there won't be a seventh time, but with the road being as bad as it is here, I don't think that is a hope worth investing my time in. Read on!

An open letter to motorists who dislike cyclists,

I ride my bike year-round as my main means of transportation. My bike is not a toy. I don't aspire to be Lance Armstrong. I'm not too poor to afford a car. I choose a bicycle because its healthier for me, and healthier for the city I live in. I'm not riding in the middle of the lane to slow you down or thwart you. I'm just trying to do the same thing as you - get from point A to point B safely.

I ride in the middle of the lane if the lane is too narrow to share safely. This is actually a courtesy to you, because you don't have to guess how wide your vehicle is versus how much space is available, and decide if you have to change lanes or not. If the lane next to you is wide open, it really isn't necessary to blast your horn or yell things out your window. Maybe you think there's room for me to be riding in the gutter, but I really have a better view of the pavement there than you do. There's debris there that will flatten my tires, and potholes that can break my bones. If I need to swerve to avoid some garbage someone threw out their car window, I need room to manoeuvre. It’s not going to make either of our days if we collide.

While we are on the subject of yelling things out the window, your vehicle is loud. Unless we are both stopped at a traffic light, it is unlikely I can make out the words you are saying. Maybe it’s better to focus your attention on not hitting things that are front of you rather than letting me know "(mumble-mumble)...you'll get hit". I also know where the bike paths are, I have a map. But where I'm going is not on the path. Thank you though to the driver that stopped to let me know my headlight made a big difference. It was nice to know it was appreciated.

I put on lights at night so you can see me. I ride in a predictable line so I don't surprise you by my presence. I don't weave between parked cars so I don't startle you when I emerge from behind one. I'm sorry I didn't move over so you could use the three car-length gap between parked cars as your personal passing lane. In an ideal world I would ride far enough away from your car door that it wouldn't matter if you flung it open when I least expected it. But the downtown streets are very congested and there's not a lot of space available. So please look before you open your door. I try to make it easier for you by ringing my bell if I see you parking so you know I'm there. In limited space world, cyclists are often using the rest of a parking lane. Please try to park as close to the curb as you can.

You may think riding a bicycle in a downpour or a snowstorm is crazy. It’s actually quite pleasant if you're dressed for it. But I don't expect you to "get it". I only expect you to remember that there's still a human being riding a bicycle out there. Flooring it through puddles to make the biggest splash possible is not funny. Passing too close is never a good idea, but in a snowstorm when the roads are slippery, please leave as much space as you can.

While I may appear to be a very competent cyclist, and you may fancy yourself a very competent driver, it’s still a good idea to leave at least 3 feet when passing me. While you may not actually brush me when you pass too close, it is still frightening to have 2000 pounds of steel a few inches from your shoulder.

Some roads have bicycle lanes painted on them. In an ideal world cyclists and motorists should be able to share the roadway without special lines. But after being honked at one too many times for taking a narrow lane, or buzzed too close by attempting to share one, bike lanes become a place of refuge. Please try to have some respect for this refuge by finding a different spot to park your car when you want to run into Starbucks, and definitely do not think of this space as the way to get around a left-turning vehicle.

Remember that the bike lane is there when you want to turn right, and that there might be a cyclist in it. The lanes are dotted near intersections for a reason, you should merge into this lane when you want to turn right. Note that merge does not mean cut off. You aren't doing me a favour by waiting to turn right while leaving the bike lane open. I will never pass you on the right when you are signalling right, as I have no idea if you see me or not. If you merge, I have room to pass you on the left in your lane of traffic to go straight while you wait for pedestrians crossing etc. If you don't merge, there's no room for me to go around easily.

Remember those hand turn signals from the drivers education handbook? I try to use them as much as possible to let you know what I'm going to do. While it might seem redundant to signal a stop when approaching a four-way stop, I know that not all people on bicycles stop. The signal is a courtesy to you, so you know that you can proceed because I will stop. Sometimes I need my hands on my bike but you should be able to infer from my lane position what I am going to do. If I am in the left lane of the road it means I am going to turn left. I'm not there to enjoy the scenery. If you want to turn left as well, this means you should wait behind me. Trying to turn left from the right side of the roadway is only going to put us both in conflict.

I try to make my best guesses what you might do next from your lane position. You can help take out the guesswork. While it may seem that the turn signal has gone out of fashion, I really do appreciate when you use it in advance. This lets me move as best as possible so we don't have any conflict.

The world will not end if you cannot make a right turn on a red light. If there was a car in front of you, would you honk because you wanted to make a right turn? Because I am small enough to move over to let you do so does not always mean it is safe to do so. If it is safe, and I see you signalling right in my rear-view mirror, I will move over and let you go by. Please do not try to squeeze between me in the middle of the lane and the car in the next lane when there clearly is not enough space. Repeatedly leaning on the horn will only get on both of our nerves.

I can move faster than you think. While you may think a bicycle is too slow to be practical for transportation - in downtown Toronto most of the time, including the time spent to park, I will beat you to your destination. While you were so anxious to pass me, perhaps you didn't notice that I have caught up with you again at the next red light. It isn't a race from red light to red light, so if you need to slow down for a few seconds it isn't the end of the world. Think how much more I would slow you down if I was a full-width car trying to make a left turn onto a side street in busy traffic. If you cannot judge how fast I am moving please err on the side of caution when turning left in front of me, or pulling out of your parking spot. But if in your rear-view mirror, you see me waving in the direction you want to move it means I see you and you have time to go.

I appreciate your kind attempts to let me have the right-of-way when it is not mine. Being on a bicycle its hard losing your momentum again and again at every stop sign. But most of the time its easier if you just go. If you stop to let me cross mid block the car behind you might get surprised and rear-end you.

I'm sorry if I break the occasional traffic law, which were designed with the dangers inherent in the automobile in mind. I may slow down and scan the intersection rather than come to a complete stop at a four-way stop, because its really hard on me to constantly lose my momentum. I know this is not legal, but its quite safe at bicycle speed. Just as its not legal for you to be going over the speed limit but I doubt you always are obeying it. Please try not to get angry at me about this when I not disrespecting anyone else's right-of-way at the same time. If you are at the cross street, I will stop. Recognize though that I am human and make mistakes. I may have missed the sign that says "caution northbound traffic does not stop" when proceeding at what I thought was a stop sign for both of us. If we both try to be aware of what each other is doing and compensate for it, then mistakes on either of our part do not have to become crashes. Its much more likely I made a mistake if you see me doing something "dangerous" as opposed to having a death wish.

If you haven't noticed already, there are a whole lot of people riding their bicycles around downtown Toronto. All kinds of people find the bicycle useful. Just as there are drivers deficient in common sense, there are people riding bikes without common sense as well. I don't happen to know the Joe-schmoe who you saw riding a bike down the center of a busy one-way arterial in the wrong direction snarling traffic. Please do not assume I'm going to behave like Joe-schmoe. Or take your anger at Joe out on me by honking or yelling at me from the other side of the road, where I cannot possibly be in your way. Also be glad Joe was not driving a car where he would be a real danger to everyone.

I am very aware of my surroundings when I am on a bicycle. I can hear when you are behind me by the sound of your engine. You don't need to toot to let me know you are there. I'm never sure whether you are trying to let me know you are there, trying to say hello to me, wanting me to move, or whether you are just angry.

I was going to say that in conclusion all I really want is for you to treat me with the same respect you would treat any other road user. But after noticing the frequency with which motorists hit each other, I would add an extra caveat. Please recognize that cyclists are more vulnerable road users. Before you wish them off the road, remember they are helping to ease traffic congestion. When in doubt as to who should go next, let the more vulnerable road user proceed. And keep in mind that leaving space always helps road safety, whether its an extra foot when passing a cyclist, or an extra few feet stopping behind the car in front of you. When we work cooperatively on the roads rather than a mad competition, we can all get where we are going just a little less stressfully.

Thanks. And thank you to the motorists that already get it. Thank you for waiting before opening your door. Thank you for leaving a safe amount of space when passing. Thank you for waiting patiently behind when it was not safe to pass. Thank you for signalling. Thank you for respecting the speed limit which makes the roads just a little bit saner to be travelling on. Thank you for noticing when I made a mistake and avoiding a collision. Thank you for slowing to let me in when I stuck out my arm because I wanted to move into the left turn lane. Thank you for not using your horn when it was not necessary. Thank you for all the little ways that you cooperate.”

Shudders

2007-07-16T13:00:00.001-05:00

I was reading this post on Boingboing.net today and thought it was amusing that so many other people out there have that one particular kid's show moment that scared the living shit out of them when they were young.

For me it was this old Canadian infomercial about not putting shit in your mouth. The song is catchy and the puppets are harmless looking for the most part... but it's that little-girl puppet; her eyes man, they're too much for me. Honestly, I'm surprised how intense the feeling still is, at 20 years old, I still can't sit through this whole thing... You try:

Off My Heart

2007-07-04T14:14:00.000-05:00

Will you know how to stay brave/
Such fragile moments we share/
And you are my everything/
Even with nothing to say/
"...Off By Heart"
City & Colour

I guess sometimes it's easy to forget how fleeting everything is. We've been through a lot from then until now. I was reading the post that I made on May 23rd last year that ends with "No going back now, its been said. Wish me luck." It was only a little bit over a year ago when you first told me you loved me. How weird is that?

We've had the softest moments. Whole days in bed with sheets and naked skin; talking and going at it hard, nasty... only to talk some more after and then go at it soft and romantically. We've had intense moments... skydiving? Really, I'm not sure I can top that one with anything. You've surprised me and spoiled me; you've treated me like shit. I've treated you like shit. We've even fought now too! Over nothing mind you... but they were still fights!

We've shared shit with each other that we really weren't completely able to admit to ourselves. Instead of those things collapsing us, ruining us, they brought us together, they made us fight for what we had. We've almost broken up, been through a "test-of-faith" and came out on the other side laughing about it. That one still bothers me to this day, but even through that you're teaching me that sometimes it's important to let things go to be happy. I'm getting it, maybe frustrating you when I'm not getting it... but it is making an impact on me.

We've done crazy shit, we've done stupid shit; I've jogged you home in a shopping cart, you've danced around for me and sung little songs, I've spent eleventy-million dollars on Greyhound and GO buses, you've risked your ass with exams to come see me for a couple of hours. I won't get into the sexual adventures on here, but there are a lot of them, some of which I don't think I'll ever be able to top.

You've run away from me, and I've always run after you.

When you first told me you loved me I had no idea what to expect, I just knew that I loved you too, and that was more then enough to make me forget mostly everything else. We've gone through more couple-y bullshit, and we've dealt with more relationship hurdles then most people ever will; and we're still the best.

No matter where we end up, this us, this thing that we've had for the past year-and-a-half, will always be pretty incredible. Not sure I was going with all this crap... but yea... I said it now.

Good Job...

2007-07-03T10:14:00.000-05:00

Okay, so fair enough... Kanye has done some interesting stuff. So in the following sentences I will try to keep his talent in mind. There are some of his instrumentals that bang like nothing else does, and they do have an element of soul and emotion that the tattered ends of the G-Funk era forgot; and god knows I prefer a Kanye beat over something from the likes of Lil' Jon or any other 3-note-808-Casio-shit from the Krunk genre.

But come-on. This isn't even labelled as a remix or anything. Here's the Daft Punk version for context:

Now I'm well aware that all of Daft Punk's songs are sampled from disco-era songs of various origin - "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" being no exception (Listen here for the original) I know that in making some of my own instrumentals I've blatantly used a slightly pitch/tempo shifted sample with a beat underneath it and maybe some drums and strings for texture and progression. I'd like to think though that I always do justice to the original songs in creating something worthwhile, and if I do spit something over top of them, I keep it in sync with the tone of the original as well.

Something about this sample bothers me though... Kanye's lyrics on this song are completely useless, they serve basically as an excuse to release the extremely catchy instrumental with his name on it. The instrumental is so bare-bones though that I can hardly listen to it without wanting to listen to the much better produced Daft Punk original. I also can't stand that he's spitting over top of a sung part from the original song... he didn't even go so far as to sample an instrumental, he just ripped the vocals out of the Daft Punk version and dropped some boomy kicks and a simple snare under it. A few Juno-esque stabs later and we've got a hit!

I don’t know, it wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't keep seeing/hearing shit like "KANYE'S A GENIUS, HE DID IT AGAIN!!" when in this case... he didn't even choose an obscure song to mess with. It just seems arrogant, and frustratingly so because this single is propelling the hype for his new album somehow... If only somebody would notice the simplest of my shit and give some hype to my name. Oh well, jealousy is a bitch I guess.

Camilo

2007-06-12T15:55:00.001-05:00

Great song, fantastic message, thanks Jackie.

Ghost Ride The Whip

2007-06-11T12:03:00.000-05:00

"There's a train coming. Since there's no one here to apply pressure to the brake, and we do have an oncoming train, I'd say PROBABLY it would make the most sense for me to get OFF the car, and apply pressure to the brake. Although it seems like the train is going to make it right past, so we probably won't have to apply pressure to the brake. As you can see, I am still currently in the process of ghost riding the whip."
-Tom Green

Tom Green Is A Dope MC

2007-06-07T16:05:00.000-05:00

Dope.

Mr. Woo's Robots

2007-06-01T17:08:00.001-05:00

I want that rickshaw one. So awesome.

Yea!

2007-06-01T15:13:00.000-05:00

Sweeet.

Everything'll Be Alright

2007-05-30T12:07:00.000-05:00

Sometimes despite a song being corny, you get caught up in it anyways. This is the case with the song below by Joshua Radin... His album "We Were Here" is excellent if you're into Jose Gonzalez or Damien Rice.

Way down, in New York Town/
Thinkin' 'bout the way she loves me/
There's a hole in my pocket that's about her size/
But I think everything is gonna be alright/
Yes I hope everything is gonna be alright/

The smilin' face, straight in L.A./
The gifts are found at the bar/
Well I wish my car could drive to her tonight/
Then I'd know everything is gonna be alright/
Yes, then I'd know it'll be alright/

The rain in New Orleans, forgot to end/
But the mouths of the people are dry/
And we watch and wait, and do nothin' but sigh/
And hope everything is gonna turn alright/
But I dunno if it'll be alright/

But I look at you, warm in your dream/
While your mobile dances above/
And I think to myself it's a beautiful night/
And I know everything's gonna be alright/
Yes, now I know, it'll be alright.../

Check it out.

Fuck it all.

2007-05-24T15:56:00.001-05:00

Yup, fuck it all.

In Contrast

2007-05-24T03:23:00.000-05:00

Because that last post was SO depressing, and I don't really want people reading that when they first click through to this site; here's a video of a water balloon hitting the ground in super slow-motion!!

And just because I really want to take up more space, here's another happy video of crazy Japanese people doing... well, I dunno, just watch.

Yay, on to the terribly depressing shit!!

I'm Just Fucked

2007-05-24T03:20:00.001-05:00

You ever get the distinct impression that you’re just a fucking idiot? Sometimes I hate myself so bad I just hit this wall, and I come up with nothing past it. The ridiculous shit that I put myself through is really frustrating me now. I’ve just got this predisposed idea of what I look like to other people, and I can’t ditch it.

It fucks with me.

I can’t deal with simple social situations that really should be a non-issue. I’m jealous when there’s no need to be jealous at all, I just can’t control it. Then, afterwards, I’m angry at myself for getting jealous, and I can’t sleep – so cut to four-o-clock in the morning and here I am writing whiney ass shit on this fucking blog.

I don’t even have anything to chalk it up to. I keep trying to explain it to myself, and for the most part I come up completely blank. Every now and then I can patch it up; but it comes back. Always.

It’s ridiculous, I feel like shit about myself. For the past two months or so I just feel like I’ve got no redeeming qualities, and the one’s that I do have, I’m fucking them up just trying to express all the rest of this shit. I get this sinking feeling, like “damn, everyone else is just so easy-going, what the fuck is my problem, why am I always so high-strung?”

I feel like I’m completely missing something. I know I over-react, I know I get worked up, I know I get angry and pissy and grumpy and everything else encompassing that shit. Yet, somehow, I CAN’T get past it. I can’t just grow-the-fuck-up and get out of this funk I’m in. I feel like shit about my work, my friends aren’t home, and the one’s that are have their own lives to deal with, and I feel like I’m treating Lyndsey like shit too. She deserves better, maybe better then I can ever do.

I can’t even put up with myself when I’m like this, I don’t know how she’s put up with me this long. Then again, she’s never been mad at me like that, we’ve never fought like that before. Maybe she is just getting sick of it, how the fuck do I come to terms with that? It’s my own fault, and out of this whole self-pitying rant, that’s the most un-pitiable thing I’ve said.

How the hell do you tell the girl you’re completely in love with, the girl that you have the perfect relationship with, that you’re just plain fucked up and she might just save herself some pain by dumping you? When it comes down to it, if I have to make myself unhappy, angry and bitter; the last thing I want is to project that on the people I love.

She might be “so crazy” – but apparently, I’m just fucked.

Awesome Animation

2007-05-14T12:54:00.001-05:00

Easy

2007-05-10T13:13:00.000-05:00

I could totally do this shit... no problem at all.

This is insulting...

2007-05-09T14:20:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure what she's trying to get across here... but it's kind of insulting. If she's trying to make some sort of social commentary on hip hop culture or female rights she's not quite getting her point across... Frankly, she just looks old. The men in the video look like something my Uncle Pete would correlate with hip hop culture, not an accurate or fair representation of... well, anything really. The song itself was a poor choice... it might be shallow, it might be completely materialistic, but at least it embraces itself for what it is; a song about a girl who's got a hot body and knows how to use it. This goes both ways, a dude could write a song about the same shit, LL Cool J's whole career is based off of that. Female rights and equality are important issues, but don’t go after somebody like Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas. They make fun music to dance to, and I can guarantee there’s more then a few big, round beautifully plump girls out there loving the SHIT out of “My Humps” because it’s about a girl with shape instead of a bone-rack with hips like razor-blades. Fergie battled an intense drug dependency and genuinely worked to be where she is today… or at least half-worked and half-worked her body. This sort of negative and ignorant “booties-bling-and-bottles” representation of anything SLIGHTLY hip hop just pisses me off. Hip hop artists could sit around and make fun of weepy Alanis Morissette songs as well, but maybe if Alanis actually spoke to a few of them she’d realize that they RESPECT her music, not dilute it with stereotypes.

In closing, Alanis Morissette; go fuck yourself and stop wasting our time.

New Blog - REVISED

2007-05-09T14:19:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it seems my new blog isn't flying as smoothly as I would've liked... so we'll stick with updating this one for awhile until the one at Mouseheaddesign is as good as I want it to be. Sorry about the premature switch.

NEW BLOG

2007-03-28T11:13:00.000-05:00

For anyone who actually reads this thing I've moved it over to a new location for a new look as well, and an added search function!

Check it out at:
http://shinogo.mouseheaddesign.com/

Thanks to Blogger for the years of great service!

Baby Got Back

2007-03-05T12:03:00.000-06:00

One of the best covers I've heard since the newest Weird Al polka covers.

Classic

2007-03-02T10:13:00.000-06:00

Truly.

It Hurts Me Soul

2007-03-01T16:02:00.000-06:00

Every now and then you hear a song and you're just like "Damn, that dude really got done what he wanted to get done." It's rare, but some artists can even make you feel that way about a whole album. Most artists leave you feeling that there's SOME miscommunication, or some filler that distorts their overall message.

I've had the privilege of listening to a few of these albums in my time, and in the world of hip hop, very few come close to Lupe Fiasco's "Food & Liquor." The song below in particular takes this guy's master of english-language-rap to a new level. I encourage you to listen and read along.

Buy the album, download it, whatever; it's good shit.

VERSE 1:
Now I ain’t tryin’ to be tha greatest/
I used to hate hip hop, yup because the women degraded/
But “Too Short” made me laugh, like a hypocrite I played it/
A hypocrite I stated, though I only recited half/
Omittin’ the word “bitch”, cursin’ I wouldn’t say it/
Man, dog couldn’t relate, 'til the bitch I dated/
Forgive my favourite word for hers and hers alike/
But I learnt it from a song I heard an sorta liked/
Yea, for the ice and glamorized drug-dealin’ was appealin’/
But the block-club kept it from in front of our buildin’/
Gangsta rap base filmin’s, became the buildin’ blocks/
For children with leakin’ cealin’s catchin’ drippin’s with pots/
Coupled with compositions from Pac, Nas’ “It Was Written”/
In the mix were my realities, an feelin’s, livin’ conditions/
Religion, ignorant wisdom, an artistic vision/
I began to jot, tap the world and listen/
It dropped…/

CHORUS:
My mom can’t feed me, my boyfriend beats me/
I have sex for money, the hood don’t love me/
The cops wanna kill me, this nonsense built me/
An I got no place to go/
They bombed my village, they call us killers/
Took me off they welfare, can't afford they healthcare/
My teacher won't teach me, my master beats me/
And it hurts me so.../

VERSE 2:
I had a ghettoboy bop a Jay-Z boycott/
Cuz he said that he never prayed to God he prayed to Gotti/
I'm thinkin’ "Golly, God guard me from the un-godly!"/
But by my 30th watchin’ of "Streets Is Watchin"/
I was back to givin' props again, an that was botherin'/
By this uncomfortable as an untouchable touchin' you/
The theme songs that niggas hustle too/
Seem wrong, but these songs was comin' true/
An it was all becomin' cool/
I found a condom on tha ground that Johns would cum into/
An thought, "What constitutes a prostitute is the pursuit of profit/
Then they drop it, the homie in a suit, pat her on the butt then rock it"/
It seems I was seein' the same scene, adopted/
Prevalent in different things, with the witnesses indifferent to stop it/
They said "Don't knock it, mind ya business/
'Cause business is a mind an that nigga pimpin' got it"/
Woo/

CHORUS:
They took my daughter, we ain't got no water/
I can't get high yet, they cross on fire/
We all got suspended, I just got sentenced/
So I got no place to go/
They threw out my gang-sign, I ain't got no hang-time/
They talk about my sneakers, poisoned our leader/
My father ain't seen me, turn off my TV/
'Cause it hurts me so.../

VERSE 3:
So through the grim-reaper-sickle-sharpenin'/
Macintosh-marketin', oil-field arguin'/
Brazilian-adolescent-disarmament, Israeli occupation/
Islamic martyrdom, precise/
Yea, laser-guided-targetin', oil-for-food-barterin'/
Terrorist-organization-harborin'/
Sand-camouflage-army-men, CCF sponserin'/
World-conquerin', telephone monitorin'/
Louis-Vuitton-modelin', pornographic-actress-honorin'/
String-theory-ponderin', bulimic-vomitin'/
Catholic-priest-fondlin', pre-emptive-bombin'/
An Osama and no bombin' them/
They breakin' in my car again, deforestation, an over-loggin' an/
Hennessy-an-Hypnotiq-swallowin', hydroponic-coughin' an/
all the world's ills, sittin’ on chrome 24-inch wheels/
Like that.../

CHORUS:
They say I'm infected, this is what I injected/
I had it aborted, we got deported/
My laptop got spy-ware, they said that I can't lie here/
But I got no place to go/
I can't stop eatin', my best friends leavin'/
My pastor touched me, I love this country/
I lost my ear-piece, I hope y'all hear me/
'Cause it hurts me so.../
It hurts me soul.../
It hurts me so.../

Check it

Damnit...

2007-02-28T21:03:00.000-06:00

My lizard died.

I miss him more then I thought I would.

Family Affair

2007-02-27T17:23:00.000-06:00

WARNING: Based on my last few posts, don't read too much into this... I just really like the song :)

I sleep all day/
What makes me feel this way?/
And everything’s a bust/
And everything keep’s losing my trust/
Where do we begin, with this unhappy ending/
And where do we begin, after all that we’ve done/
And how do we begin, to say “I forgive you..”/
And how do we begin…/
To repair, this family affair/

I think about the never-ending way, that my day never seems to want to end/
I think about the loneliness of losing a friend/
Don’t take it away from me/
Don’t take away the one love that matters/
And I’ll get well, you’ll see/
But you’re all I have/
You’re my family…/

Is there ever enough love/
Ever enough…/

Where do we begin, picking up the pieces/
Where do we begin, after all that’s been said/
And how do we begin, to say, I still love you/
And how do we begin…/
To repair, this family affair/

Don’t take it away from me/
Don’t take away the one love that matters/
And we’ll all get well, you’ll see/
‘Cause we’re all we have/
We’re a family…/
Family…/

Where do we begin…/

Check out more of Abra Moore by clicking on the picture below, it's great music!

Insomnianoia

2007-02-26T00:07:00.000-06:00

I was trying to say something when I started this shit… but now I don’t really have the words to say it. Fuck if I know what I’m thinking right now; fuck if any of it makes any sense.

Part of me feels what’s going through my head is stupid, but that other part of me, the part that always causes my internal problems, isn’t giving up the battle.

It’s like every time I think about it I get sick to my stomach, and that’s SO stupid, and I don’t know why it happens that way; but it does. Because of it, I can’t sleep and I sure as hell can’t just drop it.

Sometimes, if I made any less sense, I would probably be clinically insane. Ignore all of this, or none of it, whatever.

I’m chasing fucking ghosts; but they’re scaring the shit out of me.

Hide And Seek

2007-02-24T23:52:00.001-06:00

I will never make fun of a marching band again.

Jets Overhead

2007-02-21T16:26:00.000-06:00

Jets Overhead is a fantastic indie rock group from Vancouver. I was processing their CD today here at work and while browsing their website noticed that you can download their entire catalouge for free in 192 mp3s! Pretty fucking cool!

click on "music" and find the tracks on the left...

Fuck

2007-02-21T13:27:00.001-06:00

I'm so god-damned tired of being grown up...

The Squeeze

2007-02-21T12:51:00.000-06:00

I'm a misfit, scrub, motherfuckin' nightmare/
Don't matter how I talk or the clothes that I wear/
Don't matter how I change, or the people that I know/
I measure way down on tha scale, real low/

I'm still the kid in public school you lovin' to hate/
I'm still the dude you knowin' your ass would never date/
I can keep it under-wraps, I'm doin' just fine/
But it always comes back, sometimes it takes time/

Yeah, I grew up a bit, I guess it's not like that/
But people never change, so it hurts, it bites back/
That would be fine if I could prove 'em all wrong/
But the will, yo it fades sometimes until it's gone/

(pause) it's like all I can do is run in place/
I'm so fucking sick of this endless paper-chase/
This city, ma house, it's a fucking disease/
Sometimes I feel the walls close in til they squeeze/

I'm just looking to save, to go away an see shit/
Got no goals, man I don't wanna to be shit/
The people that I love are out livin' it up/
But me, I feel stuck, fuckin' caught in a rut/

Why? I'm stuck payin' for other's mistakes/
An if I move out I know my bank account'll get raped/
I'm payin' for a house that I don't wanna live in/
Ma parents are children, they can't ever give in/

Fightin', never talkin', always walkin' out/
Hey, that's what ma families about/
An my sisters, they don't understand, it's beyond them/
see what they friends have, and shit man they want them/

The cycle unfolds, an so it get's sicker/
Livin' like we healthy, the image still flickers/
So I'm the hinge, the wedge, I hold it all together/
My friends, my family, the work, it get's better/

Because the more that this shit keeps stressin me out/
The more I analyze, keep goin' off route/
The more I start to fall apart, rip at the seams/
The more I start to lose track of all of my dreams/

It seems, I get caught up an keep it all in me/
An then I take it out on people close, like Lyndsey/
so I come across unstable and violent/
Like a plane in the night with no fuckin' pilot/

But damn it's a pretty good life that I'm in/
I've seen a lot worse in this city of sin/
An I've got it pretty good, so I can't complain/
I'm not an emo-ass punk piece of shit with no brain/

So it's out, I got it down on tha paper/
Rather bleed it with a pen, then bleed from a razor/
Ma life goes on, turn pages I grab/
An I'm sorry for all of this rage that I have/

Too Much and Too Little

2007-02-20T17:14:00.000-06:00

It's just one of those weeks I guess... all the boys were back, the weekend was great; but now it's rolled over... I feel strung out, tired and basically depressed.

Oh well, at least this made me smile.

There's always next week.